well, sunset, what you are doing puts you in an unfortunate cycle...imho it sounds like you have been very hurt by other ppl. i'm sorry that happened. sometimes i think ppl don't really think before they act and they have no idea how much it can hurt the other person. you may find that taking just small steps in being nice to others may yield you some surprisingly pleasant results. if you stay in the mode you are now in, yes, you will continue to feel hurt and angry. i don't believe you are really this way...hurting others, beating them up, etc. and i know carrying around so much hurt is not making you happy either. idk, that's just my spin on it. i do sometimes feel as you do...my solution is to try to find ppl who treat me decently and i stay a healthy distance from ppl who have hurt me. it sounds like you are transferring your anger and hurt to ppl who you don't even know. does that feel safer to you than approching the ppl who have really hurt you irl? (just a thought.) i'm sorry you feel so alone.