I'm glad you didn't take those pills. If it is seriously that tempting try not to wait till it gets the best of you. I hate to hear that things are getting worse for you, but there has to be the right meds for you. They just haven't found it yet. I guess that is part of what helps get me through, I have hope that things will get better and that they will find the right med combo for me. It helps knowing some have already found it. The other thing that gets me through is my family, I can't do that to them. I hope you can find your strength and what will pull you through. Big hugs to you medicated.