I actually think I may have started a thread really similar to this a few months ago. Either that or I'm having deja vu.

I've been thinking alot about this tonight, though. Just the idea of not wanting to keep trying, not wanting to always be right or do right or do the best thing.

It's not about sui, at all. I guess it's more about wanting to use negative coping skills instead of putting the effort into using the new skills I've learned in therapy. It just feels like SO MUCH sometimes, and when I think about having to try to keep this up for the next 50 or so years, it's overwhelming and exhausting.