i'm so sorry you feel so bad. since you can't get into your T til so long
(  !!!!!????? ) did you tell them how badly you feel? l'd go to any hospital that has a mental health program/emergency room and tell them your situation. perhaps they can help you right away. it is too long for you to wait to get help, imho. as for your husband, if he is not contributing to the family what's with that? i don't think he is being part of the solution to you all's situation at all.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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