Well, I used to be married. My ex-husband made the same decision that you did -- that I was not the right person for him in the long run. Although I didn't feel the way he did, I can agree that someone should not stay in a relationship they aren't happy in. But, what hurt me the most is that he didn't tell me until he had already made up his mind to leave -- he thought he was sparing me a lot of pain by going through the decision process on his own... but instead, it was a big bombshell that he dropped. I really wish he could have expressed his doubts somewhere along the way so that I would have felt like I had a little bit of time to process the information before it was completely over.

But on the other hand, it would have been a huge emotional rollercoaster ride.

What about asking her to see a marriage counselor with you? That would give her an inkling that things are not smooth sailing for you, but still gives her some feelings of being able to make repairs if possible. If you can find a therapist that will see you by yourself AND with your partner, then that would be great. Not all therapists will do this, but some will. Forum support is excellent -- but some BIG decisions (like yours) could probably benefit from some in-person help as well. If you do decide to end the relationship, your partner will need all the grief support she can get, and having had established a relationship with a therapist ahead of time will give her some continuity. And help your partner feel like she is part of the decision. And who knows? Maybe once you get going in the discussions, maybe you'll both discover that your partner has some similar feelings deep down inside.

But I'd definitely recommend the therapist, if you can talk your partner into going. And if she's not into it, then I would still think you'd get a lot out of going by yourself.

And take care of yourself, most importantly,
Peace,
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!