Waking up, being a social misfit, so I'm awake, its 5:48, life is so strange, I don't even feel wierd, these days mostly I feel wronged, it gets strange but everyone is so nice, I use medical cannabis as my medicine so I'm not freaked out about chemicals controlling your mind. They are nice but sometimes I just can't deal with it but its not as bad as it was, the voices have calmed down a lot, mostly it just like random shouts i hear, or like a flash I'll see, like a cat, or a person. Or a thought and it could be myself, maybe, a lot better than the constant comments. But now my life is here and what do I do. I'll admit, I'm afraid of making progress, afraid of the world out there, I feel like I should just go to nature and cultivate the flow between her and I, thats what is more important, but nature is scarce but growing, not really scarce, plus it is autumn. The fairies are back again, I know I say that alot, I suppose I just mean, last night, and yesterday I was so joyful everywhere, I accepted everything and the fairies came and we danced, all day, came in a spiritual form, because the physical form is rough sometimes, especially around here. But, they are different from voices, they are spirits, sometimes I feel like I must be God, it is all this mysticism, but what is the real use of that? It seems almost futile, the world outside, bless its efforts on all fronts. I've been having so may psychic flashes, so many thats what it has become, and seeking counseling, because I realized I needed a base like that. I woke up thinking that I was going to die because it was the day biggie died, but I didn't. Everything seems to be coming full circle, its the weavers who do it, with their celestial magic and how can I go against them or why would I want to? Its sad I have this knowledge but no one to share it with, or maybe I am just solitary. I do get a few mumbles though sometimes, sometimes i'm afraid to leave the room, just for whats out ther, inevitably it falls into the wrong hands, and maybe its just a game, maybe its just a few drunk fairies, abandonded from their compassion. I've had dreams that my **** was gone and there was a clit, but I've had dreamed Flo didn't care, I know she's real, crazy magic everywhere, maybe I am just the light tower, I must wonder if its not really all connected, if I can amuse myself in this way while it doesnt really matter, maybe its better, because when I feel like I'm saving the world, its strange, I feel like I don't get it because I protested at a church, nature, nature I said, I felt like the worst person and now I'm here and the blossoms and birds thank me, this land of drunken majesty, perhaps one must go with the evil sometimes, because I believe good is the base and it will always return to go, evil is the only path I haven't travelled and that I keep from, what deeper good is there? In the church and those bizarre and hidden ways and in those saying they are demonic, I see myself in between but probably I veer to both sides, without wanting to take it into account, thats how some people would see it, and I noticed that maybe the Pomo is kind of like Jesus, but its not the same, theres a different kind of energy, a different process going on, is not the whole world a great temple, and what is happening spirit flows through it, spontaneously, we all pay heed. Sometimes I don't know, I'm trying to get something out, maybe its not there, as much as I don't like putting stuff out, I'll put this out and brave the reaction because everything is right in the sequence of events.