It's been 5 months since I last worked. 5 months of relaxation to the brain. no drugs, no meds,no doctors. now with the holidays I find my mind racing,along with my heart. I moved back home less then a week ago, "boy", it reminds me of why I moved out at 19. I love my family but they drive me ~crazy~ and understand nothing of my sickness PTSD ( old school spanish mother). I've applied to a couple of jobs. but, no call backs. God, how economy has changed. low wages with hardley any perks. being in the car industrie as a sales consultant really had a toll on me within the 5 years I was in it. but it deffinitly had it's perks and benifits. I know I can go back and have a car right away and benifts and money. but the down fall is my sanity. with all the politics and BS. the stress and long hours, the haggeling and extensive product knowledge. right now I want to go back for the money. I haven't had an Anxiety attack in almost four months. I feel the heavy pain lying in my chest just thinking about it at this moment. I want to go back to school but I'm stuck right now untill march b/c that's when I'll be able to take my GED.right now just studying for it. I feel like such a LOSER w/ no money, no nothing, except a good heart a outstanding boyfriend who's very unnafectionate but loves me dearly and a roof over my head with a great family. I know that there are sacrifises I must make in life to succeed to my highest mountain. but at this moment I feel lost. Lost for words, lost for feelings, lost for time. I feel like life is just passing me by. I have so many thoughts so many Ideas. but, always procrastinating and giving everyone else such good advice. Tell me guys do you think it's worth it for me to go back to selling cars & lose my sanity and dignity & another couple of yrs of my life doing something I'm good at but truely hate...???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Your friend Duchess~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MY GOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
~MATTHEW27:46.
MY GOD,MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1