Hi. I am 20 years old now. Excuse my horrible grammar. I never took time to improve my on my english since I chose to study something the complete opposite of english. Well, I've grown and pass'd my adolescent years and my teen years successfully. At this moment in time, I realized that I have I am not empathetic. About 12 years ago my moms brother died, 10 years ago, my aunty died, about 5 years ago, my grandmother, whom i was quite close with died. It seems that all these things do not phase me. I actually went about my day as if nothing had happened. I never went to any funeral until my grandmas because my parents thought I wouldn't handle it "properly" or it might "phase me" in some wrong way. The first funeral I went to was my grandmothers, 5 years ago. I was the only one at the funeral not crying. I was actually emotionless. I had to give a speech of remembrance about her, I forced myself to cry (which all I did was cover my face, and make sobbing noises. then i sort of ran out of the church) because I thought it was the "proper" thing to do. I distinctly remember my train of thoughts that day because I knew that there was something unorthodox about the fact that I was emotionless. The next day people would exclaim "I am sorry about your loss". The only thing i could say was "it's ok". I know that sounds awful. But i didn't know what else to say. To get down to the point, is this abnormal of me? To be emotionless of everything? To not be able to empathize others (including friends)? And how can I change this? I dont want to be this outsider who is ostracized for not being able to feel what I should be feeling. Even though it wouldn't really matter to me. I just feel i must be normal.