Hello Crazy Rambler,

I have found grief as not one episode or even one emotion, it's a process we don't control, just walk through. You are grieving, you are feeling and thinking through these things you ran away from or didn't know how to deal with in your childhood. It is such a hard process and well, every one does it differently.

I am doing the same process and it seems we relate on many of the same issues or points of loss. I am 50 and have had to go back to my childhood as well, to things I thought I'd dealt with. Things I rationalized rather than felt. I hope you find others to talk to and walk through the losses of your life with you. It is so much more effective if you can bounce thoughts off someone you trust. It feels messy and crazy and angry and sad and all the things that get in the way with being "fine". But it is so worth it when we come to the closure we need.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! and there is hope even if it isn't always the way we expect it to arrive. I am glad you are here, I hope you will find friends and good suggestions in the forums and pages of this site. You can consider me a friend if you like send me a message if you want to talk more...
btw I have the gift of gab as well so not at all a problem with the rambling!