I have this problem too and after rekindling a relationship I am trying very hard to not let my irrational feelings at times affect him and therefore get into a mindset of helping myself more. If this is possible with BP I am not sure, as I dont think that I have experienced that. I did go for counseling when we separated, and this helped a bit. I try to stand back, although it is possibly easier for me because I am in a long distance relationship, so I don't see him very often, and I have time to give myself space and become more rational, question my motives and attempt to deal with things myself first when I start to feel I need support. I try to ask myself does this really need to be said, or should I sleep on it and see how I feel tomorrow. I feel immensly proud of myself when I do manage to become more rational by my own device. I feel that I am in control then, and the realization of this is fantastic. I think that you are doing well because you are identifying and working on your problem here, and you really don't need him to make things better for you (meant in the best possible way). Although I do desperately like hugs and stuff when I feel blue, I am finding it's good to come here and look for support first.

Good luck with your relationship, you sound lovely and caring to me! :-)