I went to my shrink friday and told him every thing as I said I would. He also talked with my husband in private. He asked me to admit myself, however my husband's daughter had a baby shower the next day and we had come up with some thing to make her instead of buying a gift because we have no money. Long story short, my shrink is very concerned and gave me 2 weeks to see if the new med helps, if not he want's me to admit, all agreed by myself and husband. Thing is I had something to look forward to, our project and her shower so I thought that maybe this would begin a road of recovery for me. My shrink reluctanly agreed but told my husband he needs to take off work a few days to watch me closely.

Ok, so we make a very sentimental keep sake treasure box for our grandson with a baseball theme all over it. (her baby's room theme is baseball) We did every thing, put it together painted it glued all kinds of little things on it etc. Inside the treasure box was his daughters very first piggy bank ( except it wasn't a pig it was in the shape of a baby bottle) and it still had money from her child hood inside of it. We spent around 12 hours making this for her and gave it to her for her shower the next day. When she opened it she had this nasty expression on her face as if WTF is this?:??? My husband told her all about its meaning, we made it as a keep sake etc. She just looked at it like it was trash and never even said thank you, or oh that is so sweet....... NOTHING. But she LOVED all the expensive pretty stuff every one else gave her. To top it off after the shower she and alll her friends showed up at our house to party (except she couldn't drink of course) talking laughing etc. I went outside and tried so hard to visit with every one but every one just shut me out like I wasn't even there! So I moved my chair back behind every one just looking around....every one laughing enjoying each others company etc. I felt as if I was almost in a nightmare wishing I could wake up and it would all be gone.

Finally I came inside to be alone. I cried and cried. My husband came in and I told him this only confirmned how lonely I truly am. I have no friends, nothing to laugh or smile about and how rude I felt his daughter and her friends was being. After all this is MY HOUSE and they are using it as a play ground shutting ME OUT!!! He said he noticed but didn't know what to do so he stayed inside with me. Then they all came in and announced they were going to dinner but would be back and his daughter said....dad why dont you come with us but she never said a word to me. I got up and went to the bed room and slamed the door. My husband didn't go, he stayed with me as I cried almost all night. When they came back he told her they had to leave. She asked where I was and he told her that she really hurt my feelings, I heard all through the door and heard her say what ever.

I feel like crap today. I am embarrassed about our gift, I am sad ....husband is watching the race as usual. Now I wish I would have just admited myself because at least I would have ppl to talk with.

I so much want to be a grandma and pray that she will allow me to see the baby for a weekend once in a while. But I doubt it will happen. I have done every thing for her. I photographed their engagement pictures and did the wedding for them all for free last year. I use to be a photographer BYW. I also took pictures of her pregnancy photos a few weeks back and I always tell her I love her which I do. But yesterday, that really hurt me. Maybe I took it wrong, I don't know. My husband said, honey she is just having fun with her friends one last time before the baby comes. She knows all the getting together is about to end and I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings, and as for the gift we made for her she told me outside she liked it.

I don't know. Maybe she did but I really had high hopes of her opening it and maybe seeing a tear or SOMETHING showing what we did touched her because our gift was truly from the heart.

Having a bad day and pretty much know this week will be just as bad for me. Lonely, nothing to make a difference for me. I hate this.