Hey Medicated. Yes, I agree with others that your immediate priority is your safety. It strikes me that your therapist is a caring, loving and very astute one, as he has had the clarity to see that you are genuinely having thoughts about self harm. Good mental health clincians are hard to come by so I would listen to, and act on his advice. If you need a stay in hospital so be it. I have had four and while they're not pleasant experiences - I mean we are very sick when we are in there, they can be lifesaving and can really boost our mental health.

I know you have fears for the future and I totally understand. I'm an 11 years sober AA member so I can say one of our saying which is "take things one day at a time and try not to project too far into the future". I use a therapy style called ACT and Mindfulness which also helps one keep in the day.

Having said all that, pretty much everything you are concerned about happening to you has happened in my life. I lost a significant career, my house, family and friends who didn't want to stick around with someone with serious mental illness and also family I have had to turn away who won't address their own addiction and mental illnesses. I am now on the Disability Support Pension (Australia). This all happened both because of my illnesses and also gross long-term mis-prescription by psychiatrists.

I am frank with you about what has happened because I have a point to make. And that is that humans are amazingly durable beings and we can adjust to pretty much anything, if we allow ourselves to be flexible and be open to new horizons. My fall has been great - I was in a high status high paying career, and here I am on the pension under the Poverty Line. I must declare that I have recently been awarded insurance claims because I can no longer work in that career and I am buying a small home in another town. That just goes to show that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't always a semi trailer coming your way!! lol

For so long, it's been so bleak, so lonely (still is), no hope, just bleeding the money I had when I had to sell my former home just to live. But am really starting to turn around my attitude. I tried to go back to work last year and had a meltdown and had to resign - my career was a very high pressure one. I still have the intellectual strengths but I cannot handle pressure. I tried to go back to study this year but for various reasons I had to bail. I moved to the town I am in 2 years ago to tap into family - but they have rejected me. All three scenarios left me in deep and dangerous depression - but that's totally understandable.

Now I am going into a totally new phase with new opportunities. I will always be Bipolar and have my other illnesses, but I am still a human being, deserving of love and a robust life, and so do you - whatever path your life takes.