Had to look at my Toxic Parents book to try to help you out here. See if this makes sense to you. Emotional and mental peace comes as a result of releasing yourself from your abusers control, without having to forgive them. And that release can come only after you've worked through your intense feelings of outrage and grief and after you've put the responsibility on THEIR shoulders where it belongs.
I can't stand yelling either, because that went on in our home every day when I was young. Bullying is basically what I call it. My son bullies his 8 year old, and yells and demeans, and it is just like going back many years. I know how you feel, I really do. Things that are said, or sights, or smells, or songs might remind you of bad times, but you will be o.k. You do not have to speak to your abuser and pretend. They know what they did. Don't let them play mind games with you. I care!!