Amazonmom I understand where you are coming from. We are battling a very difficult demon and at times it gets the best of us. The meds are there to give us some resemblence to a normal life although I don't think we will ever really be normal. We just have to take life as it has been given to us. I'm sorry I can't make it all better for you. Just know you are a good person and that you do your best which is good enough. We are all here for you, take care of yourself.