Hi purplechick. I definitely do not think you are a "freak" for feeling this way. And I'm sorry if your T made you feel like you were odd. I can understand how grief could remain very intense for many years. Especially since you say your relationship with your Dad was difficult and acrimonious at the time. Plus he died very suddenly and you were still very young. I'm really sorry for your loss
Personally I think that writing your Dad a letter each year is a wonderful thing to do. I lost my Dad a couple of years ago and I buy him Birthday cards and Father's Day cards each year and put them on a little table I have created for him (with photos and candles and such). This is something I intend to continue doing every year. I don't think it's odd. It's something I want to do and it feels like a way to honor my Dad's memory.

Grief is really complicated. I don't think it ever ends. It just changes. I don't know.....I guess I'm still in the early stages because my Dad only died two years ago. It still really hurts and I'm sure I will carry this pain with me for the rest of my life. I don't know how to make it easier. I guess I try not to think about it too often. But, as you say, that's very hard, especially around anniversaries.

Do you have any other close family members who you can talk to about this? I am very close with my Mom and it helps me to talk to her about my Dad and about my feelings of grief. She understands better than anyone. I hope there is someone in your family you are close to who you can share your feelings with.

You say that you are going through a depressive episode right now. That would definitely make your feelings of grief more painful. Are you getting any treatment for your depression?

Keep talking to us! You are definitely not a freak! ((((((((Purplechick))))))