I understand that you feel that your email to him was giving you a feeling of control, but you also need to understand that he needed the same sense of control that you did in ending the relationship. To be quite honest, both were childish emails throwing it into each others lap to request friendship & blaming each other for how the relationship turned out.

When I got out of high school in 1970 (ages ago....yea, I know), I had a long distance relationship with a guy who led me on to think we would get married, then he turned around & married another girl from where he lived. A few months later, I got a letter (before email) telling me what a mistake he had made getting married to her & wanted to get back together with me. It was when I was still 17 (graduated from high school at a younger age)......it made me realize that there wasn't a guy in this world that I would allow to jerk me around like that & I didn't NEED anyone to make me happy but focusing on what I wanted to make out of my life myself. It wasn't until I was 22 that I got into a serious relationship. Just before we got married, I realized that I really didn't like his personality or his values as they were not compatible with mine but he was a very nice person & stupidly, I listened to my Mother tell me that HE WOULD GROW UP & MATURE as he was young at 23. Well he never grew up & I had 33 years of a miserable marriage until I finally left 3 years ago. I had my college degree & I had my career that was where I hid away in our marriage even though we had a daughter.

After leaving 3 years ago, it was the most freeing feeling I have felt is all those 33 years.....I didn't need a man to define who I am.....I was finally able to go back to the values I had before I got married & quit living with the stupid financial values I allowed him to drag our marriage into.....it was easier than fighting & I got something out of it also that I shouldn't have allowed to happen.

Bottom line from my years of experience....if you don't define yourself without a relationship with someone, you will never KNOW WHO & WHAT YOU STAND FOR....or WHAT YOUR VALUES ARE. Once you know yourself then you can find someone who is compatible with you instead of always becoming what someone else wants you to be.....many years later, always being what someone else wants you to be ends up being a regret, not a blessing. Having a compatible marriage in all areas is very important.....sexual relations is not a majority of what life is about & when you live your life being what others want you to be rather than what you really are is definitely not a healthy relationship.

Being happy with yourself & knowing yourself, will open you up later to find the right guy for the rest of your life.

Keep away from this guy...as Lynn has said, being friends at this point isn't even a reasonable thought. Staying completely away from him until you don't experience the feelings you are going through right now (your email came across to me, saying how much you still want him, but you won't go to him, he has to come to you. The undertone of your email almost sounded like you were begging him to ask you to be friends).....once you get over those feelings, then you will be on the road to finding yourself & defining who you are....only then will you be truly ready to allow anyone else into your life.

This is another really good reason why NOT to get intimately involved in a relationship quickly......intimate relationships bring out deep emotions (especially on the female's part) which when pulled away by someone who doesn't feel the same about the relationship as you brings about depression.....just a fact of the way emotions work....this is why we are seeing so much depression in the young children who are playing the games with intimate relations.

As females, we need to be in control of our emotions & only let them out to those who deserve them......we also need to be in control of our emotions & know the reality of the relation before allowing ourselves to get involved.....only then will you be able to develop a truly lasting relationship....the kind you want your fantasy to be all about. It takes responsibility of the womans part to find & allow the right man into the relationship that will become what you truly want.....not every guy you come across is one you should allow to even try for that position. It's important to be selective & to be discriminant & take a lot of time to determine. If the guy is truly the right guy, he will be wanting to make sure of the same thing you are.....finding the right person for the lasting relationship.

Just because society is pushing people the way it is with relationships doesn't make it right & we are definitely seeing that it isn't working.

Don't mess with him in the future....he is definitely not someone you would even want to be involved with.....& one can't live in fantasy land....nothing counts but reality when it comes to relationships.

LOVE IS NOT BLIND....never kid yourself about that.......sensuality is blind, but love isn't......love is never there in the first place in all those marriages that are all breaking up so quickly.....it's nothing but lust....not love.......ah, so much for my soap box which comes from all the experiences I have gone through & all the first hand observations I have come across.

Take care of yourself & learn what makes YOU HAPPY without it being based on anyone else....that is when you will truly be ready for a mature relationship.