dear Billi,, i'm a firm believer that our emotions affect our body, and, tho it doesn't sound very loving, i'm glad you are finally getting to let the grief out~,, i am on my way to a similar grieving, i hope it doesn't last very long, since it is coinciding with the bottom of my depressive cycle too. i do envy you a little, having some one to hold you, and getting a massage. but you got me to thinking, there are ways i can comfort myself,, thanks for opening up this thread,,, and i hope you feel much better soon~ Gus