Instead of putting yourself down for your problems seek out the help you need to resolve them. I've spent so much time blaming myself for my mental health and how it has "ruined" my life and my relationships when I know I should have just gotten the support I needed because there are some things you sincerely cannot do on your own no matter how scary it is to depend on someone else to help you.
Money can be a problem but maybe there is a free women's counseling clinic or something like that in your area. At least do some research in order to receive some therapeutic support because you should not just let yourself feel this way if there is a way to feel better. It doesn't hurt to try.