((((((Eileen)))))) actually, if you felt that way and that T allowed you to leave in that condition, I say that is NOT the right T for you. The right T would have seen you were in trouble - would have known even in a short amount of time. My T did! That first session was as you described - and my T had me just sit there with him while he finished his paperwork on me. He watched me and asked me if I was feeling any better. Then I did feel safer and he smiled just a little and said "Ok then, next week - same time?" And that was the start of what is now the best thing that I have ever done for myself.

It may not be time for you to go into therapy as deeply as you describe. Maybe it is better to wait a bit and try to forget the pain through all those things you describe. Only you know the true answer to this. All I can say is that when it is time to get help, a person just doesn't have a choice. There is a NEED that is as real as hunger for food or thirst for water. And sadly, for trauma work, once the mind decides it is time to open up and show you all the hidden things - well there isn't much say we have over the matter. The mind has a mind of its own really.

Just go easy on yourself right now and let yourself have space to consider things. You will know what is right for you .... for both right now and for the long run. And whatever you decided - remember it is YOUR life and YOUR choice.