Hey everyone

I didn't meant to stir up so much of a response but I do really appreciate everything that has been written.

This may be a very long reply.. I'll see how I go.

Firstly I had Yoga last night and it has made me feel very calm and relaxed about myself. I forgot how much I missed it and how much I do actually enjoy how I feel afterwards.

I have made no decision yet.
I have to follow my gut (it has been pretty accurate before) and trust my own instincts and feelings. I am feeling emotionally detached from the situation today.
Things I have to decide for myself are;
1.) If I do add him back then am I doing it because I want MORE than friendship.
2.) If I don't add him back with I regret the decision down the track?
3.) Is he the type of person I want as friend and nothing more.

I do appreciate all of the opinions and advice, really I do. So far my gut is leaning towards sending a friends request but not adding any 'message' with it.
I never expected him to reply to be honest.

Okay now to get to what everyone has written:

Elana
Yes I did feel and do feel brave to have deleted him. It was a hard decision for me to make. With Mark I let it drag on and on and on in hope that something would change. I did learn my lesson from that - hence I chose to delete Louis.

Jiakhan
I think that my email must have stung for him to have replied like he did.
You are sounding wise (keep strong in yourself too).
I created my own closure by deleting him. I know that it just ended. Things do and I realise now that it actually was through no fault of my own.

Lynn
I didn't feel like I was being hard on him. I was speaking from my heart.
I have to say that I have found peace in myself now. My head is telling me that I don't want anymore than friendship with him. He would be a fun friend to have.
I also don't mind that he is talking to other girls anymore. Trully I can't be angry at him for that as I am chatting to new guys too - which doesn't mean that I felt nothing for Louis and vise a versa.
The reason for deleting him from Fb was so that i didn't obsess over him.. I have found since I did that that I haven't looked at his page

John25

Can you explain why the email was rude? I didn't intend it to be rude in any way. I was expressing my feelings and thoughts and I was angry at him. I wanted to let him know the reasons for deleting him.

Eskielover
Yes both of us were well "b***hy" to each other in the emails. Mine in the "having fun with your new chickies" and his well with just about everything
It was more hurt talking from both our parts I think. Mine because he hadn't bother to reply and his because I took the initiate and removed him from something that he knows I spend a lot of time on and love.
I have had mature relationships... the one with Mark was probably more mature than I wanted but I was happy and I am always MYSELF. I don't change to suit others expectations and I never will. I grow into a partnership but that I think is different. Trying to enjoy the things that your partner likes but not giving away what you like is part of the 'coupling' in my opinion.

Bloom
I always love your words and your advice.
I do feel that I love myself today and that the depression is fading! It is a wonderful feeling and I am back on track to happiness in myself.
I have my "list" of positives that I used back in therapy long ago.. it is now well displayed again and I read it every day
If I do chose to stay friends with Louis it will be soley that I want him as friend. We did have great fun together - not just couple fun but just going to places that we both enjoyed and having a drink or bite to eat. He was my type of person...the type of person I would chose to be friends with if we met in a different way.

Momoko
After seeing my T I am taking a step back and I have looked at it from different angles.. I don't NEED to be in a relationship. I am a healthy, intelligent and attractive woman. I can be just as happy alone as I can in a relationship.
I have achieved a lot in my life (just have to remember this!).. I went back and studied my Dip. Building design and technology when I was 22 and going back to study was HARD... I own an investment property (well at 350k mortgage! but still).. I have no other debts. I own a brand new car outright. I have self respect and respect for others. I am my own person - just sometimes forget that.

Okay so in summary (haha).

I know you all care about me and I know that you all want me not to go through any more pain EVER.. but I guess the truth of the matter is that everyone is going to get hurt at some stage of their lives.. I have just had a shocking year!!
Everything that happens, happen for a reason and I can only get stronger.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger right?

I am giving myself time to think about what to do with Louis. I have to NOT want anything more from him but sporadic friendship.. I am half way, maybe even three quarters of the way there... I know deep down that I wouldn't want him back becuase it wouldn't work anyway (there were doubts at the half way mark remember, but I didn't want to let him go then).

It's not a coin toss.. I actually want to make this decision based on my head and not on my heart

Thanks everyone xxx