midnight, i think you already know what's best for you to do. i read it in your post. going ahead to admit yourself means that you would be that much closer to your feeling better! that is a good thing!
if having your 'other' pills is all that's stopping you, they can help you with that. (our bodies develop such a tolerance and it begins that vicious cycle of needing more just to feel ok, numbing ourselves, then even more pills to feel the same, etc.) you would need medical guidance anyway to wean you safely. if you do go, i hope you will be honest with them about the 'pills'. if you don't get what u're accustomed to taking, it could cause a seizure. not to worry bout that...they know how to wean you safely and you'll be free of that reliance. cause it's just gonna cause another prob if you don't address it anyway. you have enough to deal with as it is.
your hubby loves you and wants to see you get better. so don't lose sight of what you are trying to do here...to get help.
the hosp. is a safe place providing you with the time to sort out what bothers you without distraction. it takes away all those day to day concerns so we can focus without being overwhelmed.
i'm a mom too tho my children are grown. your mentioning your heartache over not seeing your children often would make any mom sad. i totally can understand how painful that is. it happened to me. at the hosp. you could address how much it hurts and let the tears flow rather than numbing yourself and holding it at bay. a person can hold up under those circumstances just so long. i know. i was once where you are now!
i went in because i was at an all time bottom. i had no hope that i could live with such anguish. i had no hope at all that even someone could help me! well someone, my pdoc and T, did!!! my whole outlook of my life slowly changed. it took work, emotional work, and i knew i had to go thru it to get to the solution. but i also knew i was safe at the hosp. and my docs cared and wanted to help me.
you can do that too, midnight. just take small do-able steps to regain your life. i really care. i hope my post doesn't upset you. i just feel like i've met my 'twin'. so much going on with you rings so true of me once. take some of my hopeand start your journey of healing. i am not going to sugarcoat anything but i do know you deserve more in your life.
justme, but i'll be saying prayers for you. my prayer in the hosp. got anwered and i believe it can for you too.
ps sorry for the l-oooong post.