So where to start.
The wifes in class so I've got time to type.

I am a marine and i just got told i have ADHD last week.
They started me on adderall 15mg twice a day. now im on 10mg three times a day. the 10mg doesnt seem to help me much but ill deal with that on Friday when i go back to the doc.

I guess its just hit me all at once. everything i know is a lie. i built who i am around one simple logic, that i am totally insain. before i joined i was fearless. finding my self praying for someone to pull a gun at the store i was a so i could get the chance to take them out. now i fear everything. higher ranking try to help by criticizing my faults and it just makes me fell week and cold. i joined to be a bad *** and now i realize that the only reason i earned the title of MARINE was because i can take more physical punishment and pain than any normal person.

im crying typing this because i fell empty some what because all my faults have been a disease eating away at me, and i could have been doing so much more. my parents were told i had ADHD when i was 3 but when they went to sign me up for disability my parents were told i didnt have it any more. its so frustrating that i just want to scream. my bad hand writing, switching letters around in words when i write, and forgetting things. all of these have been the biggest things giving me trouble all these years and it could have been avoided.