Thanks everyone for all the very good comments. It was a really rough night. I slipped out late last night and headed down to the beach for several hours again. Just sat there wishing the waves would come up and just wash me away. Willing the darkness to engulf me. I know that sounds stupid and lame, but it's what I do when I am not safe.
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Originally Posted by WePow
((((((Eileen)))))) actually, if you felt that way and that T allowed you to leave in that condition, I say that is NOT the right T for you.
It may not be time for you to go into therapy as deeply as you describe. And sadly, for trauma work, once the mind decides it is time to open up and show you all the hidden things - well there isn't much say we have over the matter.
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T didn't know. I took the "tough chick" stance. I kept saying things like "I'm fine" "Piece of cake" "this is easy"...etc. It wasn't Trauma stuff at all. Just doing family history, family tree thing. Listing my siblings, briefly describing my parents. At the end he kept talking about crisis, and what to do...but I totally disassociated at that point, I kept nodding my head roboticly.
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Originally Posted by Dr.Muffin
it sounds to me that what you would benefit from is not regressive, trauma-focused therapy...but more in the way of coping, relaxation and improving your ability to bring yourself to a place of equilibrium....
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That's basically what we've been doing. With this T for the past 2 mos....for a few years with the last T.
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Originally Posted by Melbadaze
That aside, do you want to do therapy though?
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I want to be better. I want to go back to where I was before I had the psychotic break 4 years ago. I am not getting better, things are getting worse.
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Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
Dear Eileen, oblivion is noplace to spend your life. I should know. It gets very lonely, sitting at the water's edge.
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I thought ignorance was bliss?
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Originally Posted by sugahorse
The first session with T is a brief overview - while you wouldnt have delved into things deeply, you still had to remember the surface of a LOT of things.T
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I've been with this T for a little over 2 mos. He hadn't done the actual intake yet because I was so skiddish. He asked yesterday if we could do a brief history...I said yes.