Ohmindy,
As others who have responded to your post, I can feel your pain and desperation. Words, I know may not be enough to pull you out of your desperate state. Activity toward something you want for yourself can change how you feel. If you don't have a therapist, please try to find someone that will listen and advocate for you. Creating what you want out of life- to love yourself, someone else, and have a family can move faster with the help of a professional.

You write well, and that is one skill that you can use to get a job. Just using that one skill-the skill that you have with words can be a starting point.

Take care of yourself today and keep posting.
Alesis