{{{ Ohmindy~}}}} let me just say that i remember feeling all those things you say,, friends eventually abandoned me, i was such a bummer,,, lost jobs, family tired of me not being able to laugh, or even go out,,, but somewhere in there, i made a decision, that i was gonna get better, no matter how little i did every day, no matter how long it took,, (and it did take a long time) ,, but now i'm in such a better place, and i believe you can get here too. what is important is to out live the depression, don't let it drive you to some rash act~! and yes Congrats on stopping smoking,, and go ahead, spend some of the money you save on really Good Food, food that's good for you,, you will be amazed at how soon things start to taste so much better~! and if i might be so bold, try to take up a little hobby that uses your hands,, like jigsaws, or knitting, or whittling, or anything, painting, drawing, writing, you think of one,, that Produces something you can look at and point to, and say "I did That~!!" wishing you all the best,,,, Gus