hi all,
for some who do not know me, im deborah and i am fifteen years old. i have been diagnosed with bipolar, borderline personality disorder, and ADD/ADHD all within three years now. i also cut my arms on and off for about four years now, havent yet though recently. i do get paranoid a o though when i go to bed, im scared so much of going to bed, i think because of the dark, and i had two nightmares and woke up in the middle of the night too. im very depressed, anxious, confused and i feel like its ME ANGAINST ME ALL THE TIME! its a constant battle, and i never win. it sucks. anyways, i alsohave been hospitalized four times and been put into partial hospitlazation three times. but today is my last day of partial program! yay! i dont know though, i need help more then you can imagine in my opinion.
yeahh, sometimes i hear things inside my head but my doctor said that wasnt hallucunating, but i think i am. its wierd. i sometimes have delusions also. like, when i want to cut, i think the evil will get out of my body. but then i realize its not true. thank god! when i get paranoid, i think someone is watching me so i start screaming to myself in my room, **** you! or something along those lines....
i dont know, i also go to a theraputic school and get therapy four times a week which is good. but ive been having ALOT of anxiety over the past couple of years and this new school is making it worse i think too. i just feel like i have all the problems in the world, i also used to have an eating disorder, baliema, (wrong spelling) for a little bit and im thinking of going back to it even though its bad. and i know i cant because im on Depakote and if i vomit my level will go wayyyyyy up!! and that wont be good at all, yeahh. the ADD is frustrating too. it sucks. schools a bummer. im off today because of parent teacher conferences. yay! but i have to go to partial like i said around 2pm. well anyways, im just looking for some support because i feel like i have no one. i need something 24/7 and i dont get it. sooo hopefully, this will work in the future. thanks everybody!

deb

PS---if anyone wants to talk, or if they have any questions for me, DO NOT HESITATE...just email me--thanks!