(((((((((( sera ))))))))))

was just thinking about you the other day and wondering where the heck you have been...

i've noticed through the two years I have been here that you say little, and wished that I had caught up with you earlier...but it seems like things go the way of the world and I am either early or late...

what you say matters a LOT to me...it always has...it seemed there were always things to talk about when we would get together...and I miss that...you have been such a life-saver for me so many times, and you always seemed to know what to say and how to say it...

I miss those times...for what it is worth, you helped me a lot and I thank you for it...I don't know if you have been reading any of my things that I put out, but I have finally moved from being totally frozen up inside to being able to do some work and I think I am finally making progress. There have been a couple of breakthroughs with a couple of the jewels collection and I found an actual trauma program that has more people with DID in it than not, the people who run the program have been taught by Colin Ross, and because of their excellent partial program, I have been able to be outpatient and not inpatient for over a year and a half. While only beginning to get somewhere in therapy, I find that I can exist more than what I had in the past. And I have been able to keep my daughter well, happy and well adjusted. She is now in the 9th grade, and doing extremely well for someone who has severe ADD and has a learning disability in English. She went from having Ds and Es in the 7th grade, to last year getting all As and Bs and a lone C. She has turned herself around, ever since we found the right amount of Ritalin to give her every day. Right now she has Mono, and so will be out of school for at least two weeks. This is the second go around for her, since she had it in 7th grade also. But her teacher has been very supportive, and has gotten together all her study materials for each class for the next week, as well as this past week.

I really miss you sera. I didn't have to explain myself to you because you always knew what I was thinking and I noticed it. You were able to talk to me too, and share things that you didn't necessarily share with others. I value that about you. How you always knew, even before I did. I would hate to see you leave now, well, not leave but taking an extended time of being away.

If you ask me, it seems like you might be getting close to something in your life and you are running from it because it scares you. Let me tell you what I have to tell myself every time I feel like that. I say that those things happened in the past, and while I may be feeling the same feelings again, I am not a little girl going through them anymore, and I can get through it. I never doubted that you would get through things. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are important. Not only to me, but to Raine and others who have shared your life. Please stay. If only to read. But stay, so I can once again bounce things over you, but better yet, support you in your pain.

You have worthwhile things to say. Please know that we hold you in highest regard, and would miss you if you left. I know that it is hard, but please try to see from my viewpoint. We care about what happens to you. Know that we care, that we are rooting for you now, even in your pain.

Jewels