Oh Belle.... I guess I need to weigh in here....

First off Belle, you know I care about you and want the best for you, but you also know that I will not just wish you best and sympathize with you to avoid being honest, even bluntly so.

So now Belle... Stop, just stop it. Stop obsessing over him, stop worrying about him, stop contacting him, stop "Friending" him, stop emailing him.... Stop it all.

What I told you that last time we talked (which is the same thing your T told you btw) still stands true. You have to be happy with you first. He doesn't matter. You don't need to be friends with him to make you feel better by being able to salvage at least a little something from the broken relationship. You don't have to fix it or make nice or anything else. Leave it alone. I know you don't want to hear it and people here have beat around the bush because they all care about you and don't want to cause you any additional pain. Some here will always take your side to support you, some will always agree with your T because he is a professional, some will give the same advice I usually do, but in a nicer around the bend kind of way. The problem is that you need someone to stand firm and clear and tell you to stop. Have you ever known the girl who is still friends with all of her ex-boyfriends? She always has to salvage a friendship out of the relationship that didn't work out. Then any new relationship starts out with obstacles before it even gets started because here is the new guy, who is confronted with all of you past, that you still have contact with and talk to... I am not saying that it is bad to be friends with an ex or two, but you don't need to try and fix them all by keeping in contact. You need to separate, evaluate and rebuild yourself, by yourself, for yourself. I told you that you can never be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself. When you are happy with yourself you will stop having the driving, frantic, searching feeling that you need to be in a relationship. That feeling in itself is the indicator that you are not happy with yourself. You feel the need to have someone else there because just being you is either too hard or you don't know how. Don't request him again, don't email him, if he contacts you politely explain that you are going through some soul searching and you feel it is best to not be in contact until you come out the other side. He will understand or he won't but the best part of it is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if he likes you, if he wants to be friends with you, if he thinks you are a b!tch or if he realizes he missed out on you. None of it matters because all that matters is what you think of you! I know that I sound harsh, but I have read and read posts and messages and have to shake my head because I see you tumbling down a path that is bad for you and I am tired of seeing you so lost and hurt. You don't understand why he reacted the way he did to your email? You were being very passive aggressive. It is the way you can make everything seem innocent and sweet on the surface but really you are able to deliver the cuts that you want to because you are hurting. Neither of you were "right" or more mature, but it is what it is. Belinda, listen to me, you absolutely ARE a beautiful, intelligent, successful, and all around "desirable" woman. None of that matters though. Why? None of it matters because you don't see yourself and believe those things about you. You are not happy and haven't accepted who you really are and a relationship where both you and your partner are impossible until you come to terms with that. I hope that in your next appointment you will look at what I have said, hey print it and take it with you so your T can see it. I hope that even though you might hate me for saying it and don't want to hear it, that all that I said will help you to be happy.

With hope, that you will find the person we all see in you and you will be happy with who that is....

"With hope. Love should end with hope. My husband, God rest him, told me something I'll never forget. Hope guides me. It is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight it will not be the last time I look upon you."