Water is really soothing to the nerves you know. You could try a nice long shower just to calm down a bit and then think about the problems with a more clear head. Support from our loved ones is an amazing thing but they're not always there for us. It would be much wiser and safer to rely on ourselves more than anybody else. It is also more difficult and requires more strength, but it helps in the long run. As for now, you shouldn't feel (to use your own words) guilty and horrible and stupid and ashamed. You were upset and out of coping mechanisms at the time and what's done is done. Hopefully, things will get better with time. As I always say to myself in rough times, it'll pass.