Looking at the same things that GG looked at, I have to say YES to the second -- some of your behaviors on this forum and the other really have hurt people very badly, and very deeply. That's got a lot to do with where things go south for you, GL -- other people have been hurt, and a hurt animal will usually hurt back.

As for what you need to do, I can't help you there. I have made suggestions, though, that I think might help you. There is no hard and fast rule of what will help everyone. We all gotta find it for ourselves.

Therapy, though, would really help you, and maybe beyond what you can access through school. Can they refer you outside their system? Are you covered by any medical insurance? It can be hard to take that first step, and even harder to continue taking those seemingly interminable following steps, but I can't see any way to help change behaviors without it. GG has great advice in this area, so I'd look to her advice.

It seems to me, in reading a lot of your posts, that you ask the same sorts of questions -- why won't other people accept me? Why won't other people like me? Why do other people turn against you? Do you notice anything about that sort of question? It sounds as though you're asking that other people do all the work to get along with you, to accept any behaviors on your part, etc. You also say that you can't do anything about your behavior. Since other people have been hurt by that behavior, can you understand why hearing that you can't do anything about the behavior that hurts them might not be a very popular thing?

Here are a few things I've learned just by getting to be older than you are now:

One of the best skills to learn is to apologize without excuses, explanations, or defensiveness. "I'm sorry my behavior hurt you." End of sentence.

Empathy goes a long way. If I read your posts from my perspective only, I wouldn't be responding to them. When I read your posts, though, I find myself imagining what it might feel like to be in your position, and then I want to respond, and try to help. When someone expresses hurt over something you've posted, can you try to put yourself in his/her place? Try to imagine why you might be hurt by someone else posting the same sort of thing?

Learn the difference between Self, Behavior, Thought, and Emotion. I am a human female. I behave in a certain manner. I think that I am a pretty OK person. And I may not feel much of any of that.

Here's a more concrete example of that:

One of my diagnoses is Anorexia Nervosa. So, I'm a human female who starves herself for psychological reasons. The human female part is pretty well cast in stone -- I am, have been, and ever will be a human female, that is my Self. My behavior, though, is the Anorexia. The Anorexia is not me, it's my behavior. With me so far?

Now my thoughts about my Self and that Behavior are pretty varied, but I Think that normalizing my eating patterns would be good and healhty; I think that the anorexic behaviors are a maladaptive coping strategy that I'm better off without; I think that I can recover and want to recover.

But I FEEL that I AM the anorexia. I FEEL that I AM unable -- totally and completely unable -- to do anything about those behaviors. I FEEL that I AM fat. I Think that I am not, actually, fat, but I do not FEEL that.

So, can you see the differences there and extrapolate them to yourself?

Here's an exercise for you:

Choose something that is a problem for you, like the sorts of problems that have gotten you blocked Over There in the past. Then separate out what is your Self, what your Behavior, etc, in that limited area. Then let's see if that helps you see what I mean about your behavior being within your control?

Try it, K?