Summer: Girl problems...allllll summer long.
7/21 ~ Two ultrasounds - yuck
End of August ~ Huge discussion/fight with my father where he basically tells me to suck it up and that he's pissed we're not doing more to support ourselves. He's sick of all my "excuses" (apparently, I am spending too much time clarifying, he wants yes/no answers).
9/15 ~ "Officially" diagnosed as a type II diabetic with high blood pressure, oh and referred to an endocrinologist because my thyroid is OVER active...in a weird way apparently.
10/1 ~ 24hr. urine test ordered - ohhhh those suck
10/6 ~ Another ob/gyn appt. scheduled surgery
10/28 ~ Hysteroscopy, D&C, and polypectomy - girl problems seem to be getting better
11/3 ~ Apparently, I am losing protein somewhere. So now I have to have another ultrasound, this time of my kidneys.
11/9 ~ First appointment with endocrinologist. - :sarcasm: Expecting oodles of good news here.

In between all that...

I've had more blood taken than I can remember. But hey, I'm no longer scared of having it done.

I haven't been working much (not as many jobs...can't make myself go). So money is tight. I'm sick of asking my parents or hubby's parents for money. I am now keeping my MIL from retiring and my mother is seriously reconsidering her decision to retire this year. What am I going to do when we don't have parents around any longer to buy our food, help with bills, pay for medications, pay for my doctor's visits, and take me to dinner? Will my baby brother have to support me?

My father is pissed that I am not on sub lists in more districts. He's pissed at my mother for giving us any money. So that puts her in the middle which I don't want to do. The woman sneaks me money. To sign up in another district I would need to spend about $100. I don't have $100 to spend right now to get signed up. Add to the fact, that with doctor's appointments and feeling crappy, I don't want to be turning down jobs and sabotaging myself in those districts. Nope, I'm sabotaging myself quite well right now.

In four months I have amassed almost $3,000 in hospital bills (this doesn't include seperate doctor's bills), this is BEFORE my surgery a week ago. We submitted the application for assistance (August 9th), however "they are behind" and we STILL haven't heard anything. So every month I get these huge bills. I pay a few dollars so the bill doesn't go to collections (they're instructions).

This doesn't even take into account student loans which are currently in "economic crisis" deferrment.

I'm a "hope for the best" while "preparing for the worst" kind of person. Right now...scary words are flashing through my mind. Kidney failure. Kidney disease. Cancer. Death. (I'm so dramatic)

Can ya sense the little seed of depression? Hubby is watching me like a hawk and quoting my wisdom, from when he was sick, back to me. (Hate that...lol) I don't want to go see his T, though I love the woman. I don't see what good it would do. She can't fix anything. She can't make me well. I don't think I have a "programming error" like hubby had. I'm just trying to deal. I do not want ANOTHER medication. I've had enough of medications.

Did I mention now I worry about what hubby has that is slowly killing him? Not that we can afford to find out right now. Why am I more important than him?

I swear sometimes....I feel like I am losing it. I'm tired of trying to pretend to be ok when my parents are around. But I doubt they'll understand right now, afterall, my father doesn't feel like going to work every day, "but he goes". I can't afford to alienate them right now. Literally. I'm tired of ignoring the phone (sorry Bethy) because I can't stand to answer it. Whoever it may be. Don't want to post here because I can't promise to be nice...I have developed quite the short fuse lately.

I'm only 25 years old. I don't want to die. Took me almost 5 minutes to type that one sentence. Sheesh.

Now to print this off and give it to the hubby.

Um...and apparently, cryptic just isn't my thing. lol