I smiled a little at your assumptions that (a) your partner wouldn't grow as well as you over the years (you'd be "healthier" than she and would grow tired of that) and (b) someone "mentally healthier" than you would be wanting to be in a relationship with you and/or you'd be able to find someone like that and get into a relationship with them.

What's with the dichotomies? We are not "the same" as others; I think I understand what you're saying (my stepmother and I both had anxiety issues) but that's just your point of view, not "reality" I don't think? All you can worry about is who you want to be, what sort of person, and work toward that. The same for your partner. If your partner isn't working "fast enough" or well enough, etc. then you have to decide what you want for your life. Maybe you're worrying too much about your partner and what she's doing instead of just you?

Asking for suggestions for the next two days, for example; you should be thinking of what YOU want and/or asking her what she wants for the two days, not me! Get in touch with what you really want and work toward that. If you want to try cooking together, then suggest that but if neither of you particularly like to cook or one or the other of you is "better" at cooking so there might be arguments, I would go out to eat, maybe go "away" and do some talking in the car? I love car trips with my husband, we do a lot of our discussing and sharing then.

Curiosity. That's one of the best tools you can have I think. Being curious as to other people, asking them about their point of view and lives, etc. instead of commenting so much. It makes it easier to listen to others when I remind myself to be curious instead of applying everything the other person says to myself or my life.