i guess i don't really know how to take some of the things you said, i feel a little mixed emotionally about it to be honest, but i do thank you for taking the time to reply.

i guess i'll start with the curiousity thing: i'm not sure if you were making a general reference to me and posts i have made as whole on PC, in which case i guess i didn't mean to post in "wrong" way, and i'll work on that. if you were in reference to asking for ideas or examples of things people have done with their partner to maybe feel more connected to them, isn't that being curious? of course i'm not going to do something that myself and/or my partner don't want to do, i was just looking for ideas. ultimately, we do love cooking so i guess we'll probably both be interested in doing that, i just felt as though i was interested in hearing if anyone else had any input.

i do see your point about the "assumptions" part - you putting it like that does open my eyes to that side. i guess because i did not go into all the details that there are, it makes it hard to see the whole picture. i know and truly believe that i am working on myself and trying to grow and a big part of that for me is therapy. my partner and i recently had a discussion that she doesn't think she will ever be willing to even try therapy again, because it wasn't useful for her in the past. i suppose i can see now that there are other ways to grow as a person. i guess what i meant to say, maybe, was just more that i sometimes crave someone who has a "stronger" personality maybe. but, i can't predict the future. maybe things will change. maybe they won't. maybe i won't, even. i'm just trying to take things one day at a time.

to be COMPLETELY honest, i would never assume that if my partner and i ever did break up, that i would ever even find ANYONE else that would want to be me with. i just have really low self esteem that way. but i guess i'm just thinking in what my mind, are "healthy ideals". based off of conversations i had with a past T.

either way, i'm not ending the relationship right now i was just trying to get some thoughts out of my head.

i hope i didn't offend you, that's not my intent, i guess i feel like there were a couple points of mine that were perhaps just maybe misunderstood. if i misunderstood what you were saying in reply, i am open to that.

thank you again.