Hello and Welcome
I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I have 2 kids and 2 grandkids and I don't know what I would ever do id I lost them.
I am glad you are able to come here and post .
There are many wonderful people here who are so caring and understanding,
Have you been able to get any prof. help, it might be a good idea, if tou are ready.
Please keep posting you came to the right place.
Try and hang in there, you can get thriugh this, my thoughts and blesing are with you at this time.