The issue is that she just cannot get over her hatred for my ex girlfriend, no matter what she seems unable to get past what happened and move on. Anytime I tell her I miss her and want to hug and kiss and hold her she gets angry and says "like I didn't already know that" and "its not going to happen because the same things happened with Sara." I just don't know how to get her to get over Sara and what happened, it bothered her so deeply that she just cant get it off her mind, like I said she cant get over her hatred of Sara knowing how much she (nicole) was hurt because of what happened. Nicole just seems to have this inability to move on and move forward and put things in the past. She tells me this always has been a difficult thing for her, its always been difficult. I know there's not much anyone can do but her, however I think she just needs to see a counselor. She told me she went to counseling before for anger management issues and it didn't do her a whole lot of good (she often gets extremely angry over things that happened in the past with Sara). I guess I will have to talk to her mom and tell her whats been going on.

Now if I tell Nicole I'm thinking about bring it up to her mother she would be very angry and demand that I don't tell her mother, therefore I am going to have to talk to her mother and ask her to not tell Nicole (or somehow in a roundabout way so she wont become angry). But yes, ultimately it will have to come from Nicole. I do think she would like to be able to move on but I don't think she is willing to go to counseling for this issue but I don't know maybe I can get her to be willing to somehow. Its so difficult on me going through this too, this morning after talking to her I was just in tears because I miss her so much. I've been pretty depressed lately over things. Its so hard not getting to see someone you love so much.

I do hope things work out but I've done all I can, if she doesn't think it will or want things to work then there's nothing I can do. The only thing is that she seems like she is very much in love with me like Saturday night but, now today shes saying she just wants to be friends and dosen't know if she'll ever want to be more than friends. I try not to read too much into it but, lately things just have seemed pretty hopeless. Sadly being in a wheelchair people overlook you or are afraid to be close to you so I don't know what I'd do if things didnt work out. Unfortanetly, this is true to even a larger degree for nicole, not to be cocky or anything but I honestly feel she needs someone like me that will love her and not judge her despite her deformities due to spina-bifida. I think both of us are afraid to be alone, I do not know anyone beyond one friend that I might have a chance with but hopefully I could meet someone who wont judge me. I have tried before with no luck when things weren't working out in high school, since I've been in college I've tried to meet a few other women but none were interested in being more than acquaintances. Nicole also has had the same issue when she try to be more than friends with any of her male friends. I haven't given up but i am definitely concerned about my prospects if things don't work out with Nicole. Of course the reason I want to be with her is not influenced by feelings of pity for her. A relationship based solely on feeling sorry for each other is pointless. Sometimes I think Nicole has been just going out with me because she feels she has nobody else that will love or care about her. However, I think if we can get our issues worked out she will feel much better about things and she wont be doing it because there is nobody else that cares about her in a romantic way. Because of all the issues that have happened she is afraid to be in a romantic relationship with me.