I know, Perna. She used to have really strong religious views. She has already had a pretty tough time which is why I'm concerned she is overcompensating. I know I did. My dad is an alcoholic, pot smoker and does coke. That's not including the drugs I don't know about. So while I was young, up to about age 14 or 15, I was avidly against everything. Then, once I was really exposed to it I went overboard. Got arrested, the whole deal.

My sister got pregnant at 17 and the dad's parents basically gave him an ultimatum. Either he was involved in his child's life or they paid his way through a top university. He never saw my sister again and has never once in niece's life, seen her. She goes through phases of depression wanting to see him, wondering why he doesn't want anything to do with her, then goes back to basically denial. She calls my sister's husband dad, and he has been around since she was about 5. So even though most of her memories are with him, she still wonders.

Right now she is a straight A student, doesn't do drugs or anything. And I know what that abandonment (especially by my father) feels like. I know how hard that was to deal with. I ended up doing all this stuff because I had this deep down feeling that people, especially guys, wouldn't like me if I didn't.

I really hate thinking that she could take the same road and do feel like I can do something to prevent it, even though I know I can't. So maybe I feel like, if I can take her through those experiences and show her how to have fun responsibly, maybe she wont go overboard like I did.

And I know if she is going to, there is nothing I can do to stop it. Really, I just see myself in her a little and think about what it would have been like to have that person who could let me do those things under supervision to have a little guidance. I wish I would have had someone there to show me things in moderation. So yeah, I know I'm projecting my own feelings of helplessness onto her. And maybe I shouldn't worry. But she's my niece. She's the girl who wanted to be whatever I was at that moment. And I know how much she looks up to me. So if I can show her, yes it's okay to do these things as long as you're safe, maybe it will sink in more than just hearing a speech from "the 'rents".