I haven’t posted in a while because I didn’t want to get the same responses. Yes it has gotten worse, a lot worse and I’m not able to control it at all anymore. I’ve found myself with blood dripping from wounds I do not remember inflicting, and pain like none I’ve ever felt before. I’ve also found myself places I don’t remember going to, and long gaps of time that I have no recollection of.

I gave in and I have to admit it felt really good to finally get everything out to the the surface.

Sannah: A friend irl actually brought to my attention that nothing is changing and I’m starting to believe her. She’s getting tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. I’m too scared to go back to my T because I always quit and then end up going back. The emotional ups and downs are too much for me to handle so I bury them deeper each time. I guess nothing is changing, and I’m not happy about that but I don’t know if I’m comfortable going back. I just feel like I can’t be open to anyone anymore in fear of being judged or getting hurt. I don’t want to be let down anymore. I’m afraid to hope and try because it just leads to more pain that I end up needing to escape from.

Emotionally Dead: Thank you. I really appreciate your post. You will be able to stop just keep working hard and you’ll get there.