Last week I found out my boyfriend cheated on me and this whole week I've been cycling through emotions. First devastated, then just sad, then I was happy without him, then I liked him again, then I hated him, then happy again and now, I miss him.

It's stressing me out.. scares me half the time that one of these moods will break the promise I made (I was forbidden from talking to him as on Friday he blamed their first break up on me and threatened to kill me o.O) and go look for him. He is long-distance, so in the physical sense I can't do anything, but numerous times a day I check his fb and die a little as I see him and his new gf who is my ex bestfriend flirt and such.. but I can't stop.

I feel as though he'll come back any moment and talk to me again like he always did.. yes this has happened before and inside I really hate him, I disliked a lot of things about him and we were quite dysfunctional but I loved him too anyway and no matter how much self-convincing I do it doesn't change a thing