(Uh oh! Someone else post! Please! )

"And the day has only begun".... And... no joke... it got worse. Wickedly bad traffic jams. Trying to figure out an alternate route and it was a replay of the "late for the long-awaited psych appt." scene. Meltdown. Turned around, as in... completely confused as to where I was. Map visually jumping all over the place....The ONE venue I was determined to never show any "problems", and there I was on the phone with the boss, completely freaking out. ****! ****! ****! Eventually got there, sobbing, gasping and shaking nearly the whole way. The work...um...not the best. The whole thing really just wrang me out. Fortunately it ended early and was really really glad to get the **** out of there and go home.

Since then, it's been good. A refuge of sorts. Too exhausted to think beyond the moment right now. Got reassuring hugs, watched some funny DVDs. Bummed not to receive a call back (after 3 msgs -- on a very serious time-sensitive thing!), but... I don't know. This has happened before --same place-- where... I *thought* I had some level of belonging and the total lack of response makes me feel like I don't matter at all there.) Good grief. What a day. Going to bed early for sure. Too much. Just too much. Feeling like the next 2 weeks have a high potential to break me.

So... Emotionally exhausted. Confused. Scared. About to be run over and have my life possibly turned upside down by powers I don't even know how to begin to stop. Very small.