Not sure where to put this but I've had two best friends, who claim I "ruined" their life.

The first, her name was Donna, I was friends with her from 4th to 6th grade (ages 9-11). I learned today, after hanging out with a friend of mine who I've known since 3rd grade, that she hates me because I ruined her life. well truth be told no one has the power to ruin another person's life unless they choose that. so that's on her, not you. She said something about me not accepting the lunches she gave me back then, and I only thought of myself.. Mentioning that once I had blamed her for all the arguments we had. oh please. she's very immature and knows how to hold a good grudge. get a life, donna.

The other, her name was Rachel, she was 2 years younger than I, and I knew her online (she was my online best friend) from 7th - 9th grade (ages 12-14). She said I, too, was selfish and only thought of myself, I'm sure there are other things, but we argued a lot as well.

Rachel actually stole my boyfriend, if you'd look at my past posts you'll see how I cope with that (horribly) and the whole story behind it. She thinks I deserve it, it's payback, or revenge to her cause I "ruined her life".. and she admitted this, that's how I know. ditto for rachel.

Now I don't know how to feel about this, it makes me sound like a horrible person. I am depressed, and I was physically, sexually, and verbally abused as a child by 99% of the people around me until I was 8.. Dealing with the stress, and the memories, when I was little came out in lots of aggression until I was 12 and it turned me miserable. When I go over this in my head it sounds like I'm making up excuses, not accepting that I was a selfish, bossy, little brat until recently. But I don't see how I could have ruined their lives? actually you've been thru a lot for young age. so don't beat yourself up over this or give them "rent space" in your head. as for taking responsibility for traits you'd like to change, good for you!!!

I told Rachel that if she didn't like how I was she could leave. She knew I was dealing with things, but she would always say I wasn't strong enough or she was able to survive this and that without being sad. oh please give it up donna, you're just jealous! With Donna.. well I can remember a lot of times when we had fun.. but I don't see why these grudges must be pulled out so far? I haven't spoken to Donna since I was 11.. I'm 15 now and yet she still thinks I'm selfish and admitted to my friend that she doesn't approve of us hanging out together?

I tried to distance myself as much as possible from Rachel when she first took the guy I was with (so similar to my current situation) last year in April.. but she follows me around trying to crush my spirit, trying to take all the guys I ever liked.

I don't understand why they pull it out so far. I could name a hundred things I didn't like about them, or stuff they did to me, but I don't and I don't hate them, I never played the revenge or the grudge game. I never told my friend he couldn't talk to Donna or that I didn't like the fact that he is still in contact with her. I never told my boyfriend (now ex) really that he couldn't talk to Rachel, I mean I told him I wasn't comfortable with it but he could if he wanted to.

I've grown up so much these past few years but these girls.. they're stuck in a rut and refuse to just let go? they're immature. time to gain new friends, real friends, not like these two. It's starting to get to me, and I don't want it to but it does. I can't see myself as being as bad as they make me seem to be. I mean I have plenty of guy friends who don't understand where these girls get it from. I wonder if it's them or if it's me. I wanna think it's them but.. thinking that way might prove I am what they say I am??? not unless you give them the power. be true to yourself instead!