Hi

A few days ago I watched 'The Brave One' . You may have watched it. It's about this woman whose boyfriend has been murdered and this has changed her life. She buys a pistol and starts killing all the thugs and bad guys that she comes across. These kind of movies always bring out the worst in me but the trouble is that I like them and when I see the television showing one I don't have the will power to tell myself , 'Narges, you must not watch this!'

What I'm feeling now might have nothing to do with that but it definitely started then. I started thinking about all the violence in our societies and that kind of thing. Then I stopped thinking about that but I still felt weird. I became extremely irritable; I could not concentrate and I felt like every nerve in my body was vibrating violently. As a matter of fact, I still do.

If someone asked me how I am feeling right now, I wouldn't be able to give an answer. It's like there's no feeling; or else as if all feelings are cramped in together so that I can't tell them apart. My friends are really nice and everything but they just can't understand my MH issues. I'm angry at my dad for not letting me go on the internet or see my friends as much as I would like. I don't want my mum to know I'm suffering because there's nothing she can do and it would only pain her.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist for Saturday, but I don't know how to cope until then. It's VERY frustrating, but I don't feel frustrated. Damn it! I don't feel anything! Or maybe I do. Oh I know what I'm feeling: I feel confused. Maybe not even that though... Oh God!