whome I am new to this board but not new to depression.

With regard to her current behavior:

As others have said, please be aware that the depression colors your wife's perceptions of everything. The negativity, lack of self worth, and hopelessness are all a part of the depression and as a result they greatly effect how she relates and reacts to people.

I can see how incredibly difficult her current demeanor is making things for you. Try to keep in mind that this is mostly from the depression and try not to take it personally. Also remember that she needs your support more than ever. One of the bitter ironies of depressive illness is how it makes sufferers push people away just when they need them the most. Remember this and try your best to cope with the pain that you are experiencing.

With regard to getting information from the doctors:

I know that generally doctors and hospitals are absolutely NOT permitted to give out any information when it comes to mental illnesses unless they have written approval from the patient. They are not even allowed to tell callers if the person is indeed a patient at the hospital. A form must be signed for the patient giving specific permission to give information to specific friends, employer, other doctors, etc.

I'm not sure if this extends to immediate family as well. If this is the case they will not tell you anything unless she gives specific permission. I can only imagine that the doctors must agree that it would be benefitial to have you be as informed as possible in order to help her, so I would guess that if she is refusing permission, they might be trying to get her to change her mind with regard to that during her therapy sessions. I am only guessing, of course, but this may just require a little patience.

For sure, once she begins to recover from this, your support and understanding will be crucial. Hopefully once she is past the worst of this it will also be easier for you, she may begin to accept your help rather than doing things to aggravate you and push you away as she seems to be doing now. I must repeat, these actions are classic symptoms of the attempts to isolate oneself when suffering depression so hopefully this will get better as her condition improves.

With regard to depression in general:

It will help you to understand as much as possible about depression in order to help her. This will include being involved with her healing, once she begins to allow that, but in the meantime it will be helpful to both you and her to learn as much as you can about depression. There is a lot of information available on the web and plenty of books on the subject. There are also support groups that you can attend to help understand and also help you cope.

Finding this forum and posting here is a great step toward achieving that.