Hello

I'm a 29 year old female and have been dealing with some issues for the past 2-3 years. I feel like things have been progressively getting worse for me and I just feel like I need some support.

I've been dealing with the changes in dynamics of my close friendships. I know it's a natural thing for friendships to change/grow distant over time, but it's having a really bad effect on me. It's making me feel not as important and I start overanalyzing everything. I feel like my mind is constantly being paranoid as to what they think/feel about me. I know it's not to the extreme ..such as thinking they secretly hate me, but I guess I'm just really hurt. It started off that way, but now it's making me feel lonely/sad/frustrated/upset. Even though I'm in a great relationship, and I do have other friends (although not as close) and I spend time trying to do other things, I just feel alone. My sister has been great at being there for me, but I just feel rejected in a sense from my friends and it's taking a toll on me. I also get really moody where if they say something and in my mind I take it the wrong way, I keep analyzing it and I get really upset/sad. I'm good at not taking it out at them and holding it in, but at home I just deteriorate with all those negative thoughts/assumptions. If they do/say something that gives me feeling that I'm important to them, I feel very happy. These moods can switch back and forth often in one day.

It's kind of like I'm the third/fifth wheel of my friendships where they have special bonds with at least one person. We're all good friends but they each have their #1s or is someone's #1..and I am no one's #1. So I feel rejected and not needed because they do not depend on me for anything. They don't need to talk to me often, they don't really confide in me, it's like I've turned into an aquaintance with them emotionally/bonding-wise although I do physically see them often. I am an open person and I do share my emotions and I'm great at listening. I guess they just have more in common and turn to others more. I also feel like although I'm always active in asking what's going on their lives etc. they never really ask me back. It's just all changes in the dynamics of friendships.

It's not that I want to change things back to the way it was etc., I just want to be happy and not really care about natural changes in friendships. I don't want to be bitter or upset because they're happy and I'm not.

I wouldn't say I'm a bad person or I'm not worthy to be their friend. I don't know what it is. But I don't like feeling unhappy/disappointed like this and having it go up and down.

It's now getting to the point where my thoughts/analyzations are affecting my sleep. Even if I do go to sleep and I wake up in the middle of the night I can't fall back asleep because I'll immediately think back on the negative thoughts or experiences I've had from the day before.

It's also extending outwards to relationships I have with coworkers and acquaintances. Do these people even like me? And I get paranoid and start questioning things etc.

I don't think I'm depressed, but I feel like I'm slowly getting there and I have no control over my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like Golum from LOTR, where the negative side of me is telling me one thing and the positive side of me telling me another. It's a constant battle in my mind and I just want to be at peace or at least feel indifferent and just move on with my life.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what it is I'm dealing with? I feel like I have semi-moderate cases of different things, nothing too serious, but because of the variation, it's driving me mad and making me unhappy.

Any help is appreciated. Please. Thank you.