i told my husband about sleeping with someone who was both of our good friend. now i feel so much worse than even before. i didn't know how i felt about eitehr of them and i still don't. their friendship is ruined and it feels like its all my fault. i don't know where to go from here. neither of them want me now. i don't know if i can save what is left of my marraige or if i can save my friendship with the other man. i don't really know what i want anymore. i know it is selfish but if i could stay friends with both that would be my preference. its hard bc in a way i love both of them. i can't see myself having kids with my husband (between both of us being depressive i can't see us stable enough for kids) he is often there physically but is more often gone mentally/emotionally. i think thats why it happened in the first place. i've had a really rough year and he withdrew. he wasn't there for me and this other friend was. i know its not a good excuse. if there was a way that the trying my husband and i have been doing the last month would continue and i wouldn't be left alone again i think it could work. most of the time i feel like i should just disappear that if i wasn't around they could be friends again and everything would get better for them. i've really lost my way. i don't feel like i'm doing anything good in the world, just taking up space and ruining other peoples lives. i hurt so much and in a way i know i deserve it. the rational part of me says to move on with my life and do better, but i don't know how to do that or what to do.