I am a 35 year old married woman with kids. I have always had sick fantasies that my husband (that I've been with for 16 years now) would never try to fulfill...and I guess I wouldn't want him to because I know he wouldn't really enjoy it. Beside the fact, it would only be role play and not real. Well, I have found someone (sickeningly, my husband's friend, also married) that I'm thoroughly afraid of and he loves to beat me as much as I like him to. My husband knows what I like his friend to do as well as his wife, but I know they both aren't happy about it. He is like a drug for me, even though I have barely been able to move for the last 2 weeks because he either bruised/cracked or broke a rib or two. My husband keeps complaining that he hasn't seen me without bruises for months. I don't want to stop. He's what I've been needing for over 12 years.

My question is 1. am I a masochist or is this just a label??? and
2. Is this really so bad?

I have been happier than I have been in a long long time and I guess I just want to know if there is anyone else out there like me.

Thanks for any input.