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I'm so sorry you had to endure what you did, and so glad you are out of it.
Do you think you have a handle yet on why you stayed for so long? Do you think you are ready for a healthy relationship, or are you just ready to not be alone? Maye there's an answer in there somewhere, when we don't want to be alone and then convince ourselves what we've got is the best we can do.
I went through a time of abusive relationships. Due to my sexual abuse, I believed I deserved everything I got- when I was hit or mistreated, I tried to figure out what I had done so I could not do it again. I never questioned that I had brought it upon myself. The progress I've made away from that type of relationship has been learning what I do and do not deserve, no matter what I may blame myself for at times.
Please be careful, think long and hard about where you are within yourself before you take a chance in another intimate relationship.
And by the way, its perfectly ok to hate and wanna hurt the person who hurt you.
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