Mean or angry? I know that when I am angry and lash out at my loved ones, it is usually because deep down inside, I am frightened. I have figured out that when I behave in this manner it is usually because I don't want to be or feel vulnerable. My family is now aware that my behavior usually has nothing to do with them. They have received counseling to immediately disengage from any further dialogue with me should I begin to exhibit behaviors that are quite simply uncalled for.

My part of the deal means that I need to respect when my family calls a "time out" and immediately cease any more berating, name-calling, sarcasm, not listening, etc. Having a time out allows me to collect my thoughts, get to the "feeling" and formulate a healthy "I" statement. It's really hard work, because certain behaviors have become almost automatic.

Feeling badly about behaving badly is a good sign! It means that you are aware that you could use some tools in your toolbox! What tool do you think you might need in order to stop feeling like you are being mean? What can you do next time when you feel like things are heating up and your buttons are being pushed?

I see a lot of promise ahead! Keep asking questions and exploring this issue. I think its just a case of grabbing for the first tool in your box without considering that you may not need a hammer for this particular job. Hugs, Laurie