went straight to bed and slept another 10hrs. i think i've been so keyed up that finally not being anxious let me drop dead .

pdoc was really really beautiful yesterday. he knew i wasnt coping very well and he said all i had to do was let him look after me, that he didnt have any expectations of me himself. so i just needed to let him take over.

and he said he had been thinking about me during the week, and how sad i was about going back on my old meds (+ diet). pdoc is a real foodie - he'd been telling me about some ingredients he'd had imported last week to make up a curry - and i'd got all stroppy & told him i can't eat any of that stuff anymore. so this week he took a picture of one of the bottles and showed me on his mobile, and he said he's cellared it away and won't touch it for as long as i'm on these meds.

later he was teasing me about something (and i started blushing, and he got really happy - he says he loves teasing me about stuff, it's one of his favourite things to do :P) and i said "you're always mean to me" (jokingly) and he got all serious and calm and said "i'm NEVER mean to you" and looked into my eyes for a really long time. it was just this moment that meant a lot to me and i wanted to write it out here so i dont forget.