Hello SakuraLi,
I've read through your post a few times now and there's a lot going on in it. One thing I found was that it was as much about you as it was about him. I also found that very little of it seemed to me to have much to do with schizophrenia. The issues you are facing strike me as fairly typical for two young people who are separated by distance, actively involved in building their own lives, plagued by ordinary doubts regarding their partnership, and considering moving their relationship to the next level.

You noted that you'd heard some horror stories and I guess that's par for the course. You ask any sample of women about their marriages (to, presumably "mentally well" partners) and you're going to hear some horror stories there too. You're going to hear some heartwarming stories as well.

It should be noted that many people are married to other people who are considered to have some degree of mental illness in their lives. (Judging by what's in the DSM, there isn't a person on this planet who isn't "mentally ill" at some point in their lives.) Some of those are happy marriages, some of them are not. All marriages however will face or have already faced significant life challenges including births, deaths, careers, jealousies, financial stressors, etc. Some of those marriages will fall apart in the face of those challenges. Some of them will stay together.

I'm not certain what the magical ingredient is that makes for a marriage that can endure through the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune but compatibility does seem to play a role. In terms of you and your boyfriend there do appear to be some possible incompatibility issues -- specifically, the fact that he wants you to be a stay-at-home wife and you don't want that for yourself, and the fact that he wants children and you don't. These sorts of variances in personal life choices may have a far greater impact upon your marriage than any diagnostic labels.

You also speak of your own childhood and how it has affected your relationships with people of the opposite sex. I suspect it would be helpful for you to explore some of these issues in a formal or informal supportive environment. I think it's quite likely that they both color and distort your present perception and until your own issues are addressed, you won't be able to see his for what they really are.

Meantime, at least some of the examples you provided struck me as not having anything to do with schizophrenia. For example, you mentioned your boyfriend is working and going to school and has become more distant and less communicative since then. I think this is quite normal behavior for anyone and not evidence that he's experiencing any kind of psychotic episode.

You also spoke of a disagreement you and he had in the past, noting that you were very hurt when he said he didn't mean to hurt you with his words so he couldn't apologize for doing something he didn't intend to do. This strikes me as insensitive but again, insensitivity is not the same thing as schizophrenic. Many young women voice similar complaints about their own partners. Perhaps he's simply a young man who hasn't yet figured out how the process of give-and-take works in a relationship.

Even his jealousy is not necessarily an indication of an episode for there are many young (and old) men and women who are insecure, prone to jealousy, controlling even -- but that's not schizophrenia either.

All things considered, if someone is intending to choose a partner and build a life with that person, most people seem to feel rather happy about that. They seem to feel like they're getting a remarkable person and they're incredibly fortunate to have found that person for themselves. I'm not getting the impression that is the way you feel about your boyfriend. What I do hear is a lot of affection mixed in with a lot of confusion and uncertainty.

I may be wrong of course, for I couldn't possibly know you, your boyfriend, or the entirety of your history through the few words you have shared here. Nonetheless, this is why I suggest it might be most helpful to sort your own issues through before you try to determine what his are.