Thank you all so so so so so much for showing me the grace that is already here. It makes me cry and it helps, all at the same time.

T left me a message tonight with new words to listen to instead of the old tapes that I hear from my childhood. Not ugly, stupid, fat, etc. But sensitive, compassionate, smart, strong, pretty, deserving of love. Those are supposed to be my new words.

I went to a meditation meeting tonight and as I sat and breathed, everything just fell away for a minute. The guilt and the shame and the yuck and the old messages and even T's "new" words...it was just me and my breath with no labels or judgement or past or future. Just that moment. THAT felt like grace. To just be able to breathe, and really, truly, just BE.

This is it. I'm telling the story to someone, I AM TELLING, I can't believe it. Any moment of "being" is such a gift right now.

T is an amazing gift.

This board is a gift.

Thank you for being here during this. It gets SO dark and painful and scary.

Thank you for helping me start to find the grace.